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Sunday, October 30, 2016

Puritan Prayer

My English teacher had us write soliloquies from the mindsets of either John Proctor or Elizabeth Proctor from the Crucible. So here is my interpretation of a devout Puritan woman's desperate prayer. 

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Lord forgive me that I should speak ill of the man I married, but God of Israel how can he do such a thing? How can he pretend that what he did is not only forgivable but not even a sin? Father I pray, give me courage to stand down! Take that anger that swells up inside of me and give me the humility that Ruth and Esther used for Your good works. Lord I cannot help but be angry! Seven months and not a fragment of my heart has softened to mine husband. Why, Lord? Do you harden my heart like that of Pharaoh’s in order to part the sea for John? Thou hast commanded that I forgive mine husband but God I do not know how! He goes into Salem to do who knows what when he is alone with that creature of the deepest pits of Sheol, they call her Abigail, father’s joy, good in discretion, a saint among the people. How can she be, Lord of hosts? How can you allow such evil to exist? Do you mock me Lord? Do you allow him to be tempted by the devil as Job was, only for him to fall? Such a temptress is she, and as evil as Jezebel. Do you mock me? No, just like a father disciplines a son so that he may grow up wise, so do you discipline me, and show me that my thoughts are just as impure as any other’s. Why then is it so hard to forgive him? Lord, bring me to my knees if it is my pride that makes me cold! My mien, he says, can freeze beer. God above, let it not be true! If mine actions towards him are so cold, then Jesus melt my heart! I have been forgiven by the Cross, at the Cross love ran red, but God my love is like dust in my mouth. It is earthly and not worthy of a daughter of the Living God, but Lord if you forgave me, can I not forgive him? If it takes my blood running red to show me that, then Thy will be done! You are God, El Shaddai, All Sufficient, and I am but a sinner who cannot find it in her heart to forgive her husband of things even Pharisees were guilty of. Lord if you died for me, Jehovah Shalom, then should I not also be willing to forgive that which is unforgivable in him? Why Lord, why is it so hard? I am on my knees begging for a miracle. Change my heart, Lord, help me to forgive him! Take away this anger that seeps out of the darkest parts on my soul, make me like You. Rapha, healer, Lord, Adonai, Eloi Eloi Lama Sabacthani! My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Except I know, master, that you have not. You are here with me, and even though I walk through the Valley, I will not fear. If the God of the Hebrews and of the Christians calls me to forgive, then I will forgive John of all his iniquities. But what on our marriage? Can I entrust this family unto him again? God, help me! Lord, Elohim, give me the strength to say yes. Give me the peace to give everything unto you. My life has never been my own. I give it unto you for all my days.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Who Do You Love More?


Everyone has heard of the phrase “love your enemies” or “love your neighbor”, and we all think that that is just what Christians are supposed to do. What if I tell you that loving your neighbor is not the most important thing for a Christian to do?

Matthew 22:36-40 says 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Now why is it in this exact order? What on earth is so important about them?

Even before a Christian first believes, God loves them, and has from the beginning of time. All He asks of us is to love Him back, which is that very first commandment, and it is because we love Him that the second commandment is possible. We can’t love our neighbor or our enemy if we do not love God, because we don't even know what love really means. But this begs the question; what do we do if these are in conflict? What happens if loving our neighbor gets in the way of loving God?

Recently, I had to make a choice. I had several friends at my high school that were almost completely against Christianity in everything they do. They swore all the time, read smut and were blatant about it, and their morality was quite against Scripture, but what can I expect from people dead in sin? Of course, why I even associated with them in the first place is obviously questioned. I had fallen away, backslid in heart, and honestly forgot that what the American culture deems as a good person and what God deems as a good person are two different things. They were nerds like me, and we loved fangirling. I found comfort and assurance there, but I could tell, I was changing. My internal morality was changing to what theirs was.

For some reason, God put it on my heart to reread the verses of the day for the last few weeks, and the more I read, the more convicted I felt. Verse after verse of not associating with ungodly people in those intimate friendships, or of putting the Lord first in everything showed me that I had a choice to make. Who was more important to me, God or my friends? During my freshman year, I had been alone. I had no close Christian friends in my grade or at my school. I remember praying for God to give me friends. Sure enough, He gave me these friends in sophomore year, but God gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21), and He asked, who do you love more?

So if these two commandments are in conflict, which do we do? Well, the Lord gave us a commandment to love him with all our heart, soul, and mind, and said it is the greatest. As Americans, we often forget that as Christians, we have a King, and this King is Lord over everything. He is Lord over our love lives, our friendships, our school lives, our Church lives, all sciences, over history, English, math, over everything that ever was or ever will be. This is the supreme of all commandments, given to us by our King; therefore, it is to be obeyed above all else. Because loving God means to be willing to sacrifice everything and anything for Him, just as Jesus did for us; even if means dying.

So when these two commandments are in conflict, you have to ask yourself, “Who do I love more, them or God?” And when you stand up for God, you are showing them real love, as well as tough love. God punishes us for our sin in order that we repent and then change, and then a parent's love is quite similar. Sometimes loving someone means saying "I love you, but I don't love what you do." That choice must be made. Which will you make?

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

To Give Them All

"Forgiveness of a lover
Peace like a river
Strength like a warrior
Faith like that of a sparrow-they won't fall when they fly-
Who wouldn't love these?

Sermons, songs, speeches
I hear it day in
and day out
Stories, people, ideas
I see it all around

People crave the idea
They need it in their soul
that they don't believe they have
Cries without words
Sobs with no tears

Yet no one believes."

"Faith of a sparrow
Forgiveness of a lover
Strength like a warrior
Peace like a river
Where can they be from?

Does it come from success?
(but what of failure?)
Does it come from love?
(but what of hate?)
Does it come from perseverance?
(but what of fear?)
If it comes from nothing,
why do they have it?

Faith to cross a raging sea
Love to die,
Strength to speak truth,
Peace to continue despite rapids

How?

If it is not natural,
if ideas,
and morality,
and thought,
if they come from the immaterial,
so must those who have such things

Sustained, they are, by something
Something not of the natural,
Not of the world.
But what?
No god exists,
No spirit

Is it a facade?
A mask?
Does the sparrow fall?
The warrior become weak?
The lover become bitter?
Peace become a raging sea?

But no.
They love
They live
They can greet the day
Smiling
They hope,
They live,
They dream
Because they know something
In a place long forgotten by the rest
They have grasped something we do not know.

Their assurance
And their conviction
Sustain them
Something calls them
Beyond the edge of the world

The only possibility is God
But he can’t exist!
Science says,
But science only works with the natural
With what seems to be
But if God exists,
Then He created science
History
Math
Language
Everything we see
and use
and hear
and believe in
Everything is created

But God can’t exist,
There are laws-
Laws which humans believe cannot be broken,
Says my soul

Do I even have a soul?
They say I do–it is where
conscience comes from,
thoughts, things that
separate us from rock

Does He exist?
Logic says so.

And He must be what gives them
the forgiveness of lovers
the strength of warriors
the peace of a river
and faith of sparrows

He gives them strength
peace
forgiveness
faith
hope
love
life

He gave it all to give them all.

Honesty, Deception, and Lies

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their own duplicity” (Proverbs 11:3). In Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which quite appropriately means place of great testing, much of the unfolding horrors are due to outright lies told for self-preservation and deception used for maintaining a righteous image. Miller’s purpose for the origin of the drama in the Puritan town is to show that everyone is guilty of lies and deceit, and that no one’s good image is entirely true. With this, Miller says, that those who point fingers need to look at themselves and their sins before deception and lies blur the truth, which once said or confessed to, changes everything. Esteemed Reverend Hale, murderous Abigail, adulterous John and honest Elizabeth are all guilty of such things and Miller uses them to make his point, and in this he is entirely correct.
When Abigail and the other girls try to frame Mary Warren for witchcraft to preserve themselves, John Proctor cries out to a faltering Mary, “God damns all liars!” (Miller 119). If the Lord is to damn all liars, then He must damn Elizabeth, Mary, John, Abigail, Parris and the rest of the girls as well as those who confessed to witchcraft, because each of them has lied. The foundation of the mass hysteria and trials was lies which spread throughout the town and much of the colony, and Miller uses that to show the snowball effect lies have, and how they do not stop without truth. Abigail accuses innocents to get out of trouble and eventually marry Proctor. John attempts not to accuse Abigail to preserve his own way of life and it brings light to the falsehoods he told his wife. When a person lies and then tries to either bring forth truth or obtain something they desire, it becomes increasingly difficult to do so, as fewer people will believe them or even forgive or love them, which leads to a continuation of the lies in order to obtain desires or even try to have a reputation in which truth telling is possible. Admitting one’s falsehood, as John does when he confesses at the court, brings value to one’s word. Then the snowball effect can stop, and respect for the truth can begin again as seen with Hale quitting the court and John’s refusal to confess to witchcraft. Admittance, not simply ignoring the lies, stops the spread. Everyone lies, but not everyone does something about it.
Deception may not be outright lying to a person, but it is putting on a show or an image and pretending something is as it is not. “It’s well seasoned” (Miller 56), says Proctor to his wife as they eat stew. The seasoning referenced is not Elizabeth's but John’s, and Miller uses it to allude to the fact that Proctor’s household seems ‘well-seasoned’ on the outside, as did the soup before John tasted it, but inside, the house is a cold and tasteless atmosphere. Deception like this, Miller argues, or any deceit for that matter, is just as bad as lying. It too can snowball. It snowballs into masks that people wear which soon causes them to forget the truth of who they are. Abigail has the mask of a saint, Parris of a Reverend, Elizabeth has a mask of love and duty, Hale is hidden by his intelligence, and Proctor’s mask is one of righteousness. All of these become rags when a person is honest, and the threadbare rags allow us to see who they are and what is in their hearts. When those who deceive point their fingers at others or try to make things right without confession, such as Elizabeth’s “No sir” (Miller 116), the mask wins; the deception never stops. Its effects continue until someone confesses.
Honesty. It can build someone up, tear a relationship apart, or show a person who they truly are. When Hale says that he “comes to do the Devil’s work” (Miller 132), his sarcasm shows that he has cast off honesty as he counsels Christians “that they should belie themselves” (Miller 132). If Hale’s plan had worked, it would have furthered the trials which was the hope of Parris. Here, Miller’s point is that the dismissal of honesty for life does no good as it does not stop the lies.  The dismissal and disintegration of honesty stops nothing but the truth. Hale pleads with Elizabeth, asking that she convince her husband to lie to save his own life. Surprisingly, she stops his passionate appeal with one simple statement, “I think that be the Devil’s argument” (Miller 134). The Devil, the first to ever lie and deceive in the book of Genesis, wants to destroy truth and anything else that is godly. The best way to do that is through lies and deception. So when Elizabeth calls Hale out on sinning to save her innocent husband, she proclaims that she holds truth over life, and Miller uses this to say that confession to lies and deceit as well as being honest are more important than the confirmation of lies to save a life. He argues that doing what is righteous and just is better than sacrificing honesty.

If everyone is guilty of lies and deception, and honesty is the only way to stop them, why do they continue? Why do people point fingers at each other throughout the ages? Simply put, to sacrifice honesty in lies and deceit is easier than being truthful. When Miller has Proctor die for the truth, he tells us that truth will cost us. “Ill-gotten treasures,” said the wise King Solomon, to whose teachings the Puritans subscribed, “have no lasting value, but righteousness delivers them from death” (Proverbs 10:2). This saying sums up Miller’s argument quite well. Abigail gained her power through accusing others of sins to save her from her own, and she falls lower than she ever was before when she becomes a prostitute in Boston, according to legend. Proctor ultimately dies because of his deceptions and lies from months before the play up until he is in court. Elizabeth loses her husband because of the cold house that she kept and her own lies and deception about the affair. When we point fingers and do not confess to our lies and deceit, we end up paying for it until it becomes too late. So live righteously, Miller says, in good standing with others, and when the lies and deceit happen, confess them. That honesty makes all the difference.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

What is The Hobbit?

Purpose

Many of us read books for pure enjoyment, and try to reap more meaning than was sowed by the author. But there are those few books, those cherished throughout time, that have stuck in our brains and in our hearts, but we don't know why. Here is an analysis of one such book that we all love, written by our favorite friend who went There and Back Again, Mr. Bilbo Baggins.

Summary

We begin where we end with the hobbit hole belonging to Bilbo Baggins who lives in the Shire. Nothing unexpected ever happens, unless you have Tookish blood running through your veins. The Tooks are the only hobbits to go on adventures because there is a part of them, no matter how small, that isn't entirely hobbit like. But this isn't about a Took, no not at all, but of Bilbo Baggins, a half-Took.

On an ordinary day, Mr. Baggins meets Gandalf, a relatively infamous wizard, who not-so-politely asks him to go on an adventure. Bilbo, says no, and continues on his way, but again; he's half-Took. Gandalf comes again, bringing twelve dwarves along with him. The Tookish side wins, and he joins these dwarves on their adventure. The company, led by Thorin Oakenshield, has but one goal: to take back Erebor, the kingdom under the mountain. Time and time again, these dwarves are waylaid; each time it starts to look brighter, something else happens.

When the dwarves, Bilbo, and Gandalf stop to take shelter from the pouring rain, they are outfitted with the swords they discovered on the front porch of the goblin nation which proceeds to chase the company who drops poor Bilbo, knocking him out. He wakes up not knowing where he is or which way his companions went. In trying to find the company, he stumbles across a magic ring, and a creature named Gollum, a strange being that talks to itself. Bilbo outwits the creature and runs into the company as they run away from the Goblins. They are chased up trees and nearly killed, only saved by the Lord of the Eagles and his birds.

Later, Gandalf leads them to the house of Beorn. Beorn is an interesting fellow who is a bear-shifter, who intrigued by their tale, allows them provisions and a few days rest before sending them off into the forest of Mirkwood. At this point, Gandalf has left the group several times by now, and does so again at the edge of Mirkwood where he warns them yet again not to stray from the path set before them. Of course, the company strays from the path when they are caught by the enormous spiders that live in the forest. Bilbo, whom by now has become quite adept at using his magic ring, manages to free all the dwarves, minus Thorin.

Thorin has been captured and interrogated by the Elvenking of Mirkwood, and after refusing to speak about their journey, is thrown into prison along with the rest of the dwarves. Bilbo, having gained a lot of respect from his friends, manages to free them by relying on his ring and ingenuity. Pushing them into empty barrels, he rolls them into the river which takes them to Laketown, a city upon the water not that far from Erebor. Climbing out of the barrels the company of Bilbo and the dwarves heads into Laketown, where Thorin declares himself King Under the Mountain. The people gladly give them help and supplies, sending them on their way to Erebor. They reach the mountain and the ruins of the city of Dale, and are discouraged at not finding a door. Bilbo, finds a way inside and steals a cup proving his worth to the dwarves.

After Smaug's discovery of Bilbo's theft, the young hobbit engaged in a battle of wits and riddles with the dragon, enabling him to make a narrow escape. In his rage Smaug destroyed Laketown at a great cost to the himself, and now lays dead from an arrow to the chest. The Elvenking heard of Erebor's freedom and sent an army to secure the gold.

When Thorin was asked for peace, his lust for gold had him shouting a no in fruitless anger, denying the elves' request. Thorin's greed, especially his lust for the Arkenstone made up Bilbo's mind and he gave away the stone, which led to him being strangled by Thorin. Dain and his people arrive, along with the Goblins, Bolg, bats, and wargs, which began the Battle of Five Armies. Thorin returns to his senses and helps in the battle, while Bilbo is knocked out.

Bilbo awoke alone and is taken to see a dying Thorin. Wishing to die as friends, Thorin asks for Bilbo's forgiveness. Bilbo, being the modest and humble hobbit he is, declares that simply sharing in Thorin's perils was more than he himself as a Baggins deserved. Thorin's parting words were of the virtues of this brave little hobbit. And as Bilbo left Thorin to die, he wept without restraint, calling it a mercy that he was able to speak with Thorin one last time. The battle was won by Beorn and the Eagles, Thorin buried, and Dain crowned King, who gave a fourteenth of the gold to Laketown. And as Bilbo, the blessed elf-friend, went home, all he would take was a chest of gold and a chest of silver.

A year after the start of the journey, Bilbo and Gandalf were back in Rivendell in the Homely House of Elrond. It was late June in which Bilbo found himself looking over his Hill, and Gandalf remarked that he was not the same hobbit he was when he had left. And indeed he was not, for isn't that the point of a quest, especially one that is written about by said quester, to go out and never come back exactly the same.

Themes

1. Life is tough, but those who persevere come out stronger.

Throughout, The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien puts the company of Thorin Oakenshield through trial after trial, ranging from pouring rain to running away from dragon-fire. Why though? What is the point of putting an invisible hobbit in front of blazing hot dragon fire? Perseverance.
As we are in a limited third person point of view, we are given insight into the mind of our beloved Bilbo Baggins, and his struggle with the challenges faced by him and the company. Lost in the Goblin nation, alone in a forest of spiders, alone in the elven kingdom, facing the dragon Smaug alone. He doubts his abilities, his friends in the company, and his own reasons for doing what he's doing.

But through all of this, Bilbo keeps moving forward. He walks along the goblin halls, frees his friends from the elves and the spiders, and holds his own against Smaug, even though the dragon is shoving doubts down Bilbo's throat. He even continues on without his beloved second breakfast. He holds out against the dragon sickness and the enchantment of the hoard of riches that is the bed of the 'Chiefest of Calamites'. He never gives in, never gives up. Even when he arrives back in the Shire, he's still the Tookish Bilbo we've seen throughout his quest and it's calamities. After all; it's not Thorin's quest, not at all, but rather it is Bilbo's, for in it, he finds his inner strength, courage, and perseverance.

2. There are those who persevere through it all, but there are those that fail; there are those who give in. But even for them, mercy has the final word.

Thorin Oakenshield is the leader of the dwarven people of Erebor. Initially annoyed with our hobbit-friend Bilbo, he comes to these challenges head on, with an attitude. After the Goblin nation, spiders, and elves, however, as well as after he is lead into Erebor by this tiny hobbit, he holds this tiny creature in such high esteem he has gone from reluctant companion and burglar to close friend and ally.

Now Thorin is as stubborn as dwarves come, and like his predecessors, and even Bilbo for a minuscule amount of time, comes under the influence of the dragon-sickness and hoard enchantment. Threatening war, almost killing Bilbo, the dragon-sickness has taken it's hold. But in the thick of the battle, out jumps the Thorin Oakenshield from the travels, brave and cutting through hoards of the enemy. It isn't until after the thick of the battle, however, that Thorin and Bilbo are reunited. And in it, Thorin apologizes and praises Bilbo. But all Bilbo says is that it was an honor to partake in Thorin's troubles, and that this last meeting of forgiveness and friends was a mercy, and that he was glad they parted in kindness.

Opening Sequence

The first scene of the first chapter starts with the hobbit-hole of Bilbo Baggins, talking about how comfortable life is there. Nothing unexpected ever happens and Bagginses are the epitome of no adventures. But from the beginning, we are shown that Bilbo is different, as he is also a Took, and Tooks have adventures. Bilbo is almost completely comfortable with his life, but not quite, and Gandalf, the wise mentor figure, not-so-politely forces him into an adventure by forcing him to host twelve dwarves. These twelve dwarves are rowdy and obnoxious, everything Bilbo Baggins hates, but it is stressed to us that he is a Took as well, and therefore not completely satisfied with the comfort of his beautiful hobbit-home. But the dwarves' attitudes and doubts about Bilbo made him fierce and courageous, enough to sign a contract, even though he may never return.

Closing Sequence

At the end of it all we return to Mr. Baggins' hobbit-hole which has now been sold by relatives wishing to have his nice things or live in his nice hobbit-hole, and Bilbo must buy back his own things, and he can never quite get them all. But he is a different Bilbo than when he first came; he has been on an adventure, and the other hobbits know that. His reputation has been ruined, and his hobbit-hole being sold. Only his Took relatives even came to him as he was queer. Elf-friend, honored by dwarves, wizards, and any others who has passed that way, that was Bilbo Baggins, but that didn't matter to the hobbits of the Shire; he was no longer respectable for he had done something unexpected, and he was different. Years later, Balin and Gandalf came as Bilbo was writing his memoirs, as they talked as the old friends they were, though each could tell the other was different, and that they were; they were no longer comfortable with the ordinary or unexpected. After all, they had been there and back again.

How to Read Literature Like a Professor Analysis

The Hobbit is a fictional quest narrative, but also it's also an allegory for an allegory, as no work is truly original. The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan is an allegory for the spiritual journey for a Christian, and The Hobbit is an allegory for both. Both The Pilgrim's Progress and The Hobbit are quest narratives, starting with a place and people who are completely comfortable with where they are in life, and who don't want change. Instead of Bilbo living in Destruction however, he lives in a town called the Shire which gives you respect if you do nothing out of the ordinary. Both protagonists are called away, either by the idea of total destruction or by Gandalf, but nevertheless both are called away. Bilbo's lateness and routine try to keep him from leaving while friends of Christian try to stop him from leaving Destruction.

For each obstacle in The Hobbit, there is an obstacle in Pilgrim's Progress. But what in The Hobbit relates to a spiritual journey? Why, the very last sentence of the very first paragraph of course! "[...] it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort" (Tolkien 1). For a Christian, the world is a place of comfort and temptation, a place that is constantly trying to make itself more important in one's life than God. And a Christian is shown the world through the eyes of God, whether at a high point in their life, or a low point in their lives, and Bilbo is shown the world by Gandalf.

This may not be the conventional Christian spiritual story, but since when does the ordinary grasp our attention? Instead it is the wizard marking up our door and forcing a company of dwarves into our homes that make us interested, that brings out one's Tookish side. Both Bunyan and Tolkien tell of a spiritual journey in rather unconventional ways, ranging from the Shire, to Destruction, to Mirkwood, and to the wide road.

Moving along through our hobbit's journey, Tolkien gives the company their own Slough of Despond, appropriately named Mirkwood, in which they stray off the path, trying to find their way out of the woods. They are righted by mere happenstance, as Laketown is on the pathway to Erebor. After they reach Erebor, Thorin falls under the dragon-sickness and becomes greedy, falling off the path quite far, and resulting in his death, much like Christian's friend who follow's Judas Iscariot's pathway to heaven (in actuality, it's a pathway to hell). But Thorin is redeemed by what Bilbo calls a mercy.

At the end of it all, both Christian and Bilbo arrive back where they started, Destruction and the Shire, but they aren't the same as they were. They're enlightened about the world around them, and others can tell. Even Tolkien and Bunyan agree, there is no original story.

Dialectical Journals

"[...] people considered them very respectable [...] because they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected [...]" (Tolkien 2).
Why is Bilbo portrayed as acting like a Baggins at the beginning and a Took at the end? Why is Bilbo hiding his Tookishness?

 The Shire is an allegory for the people of the world, because they are all comfortable with doing the same things, and we like those who stay within the social and class boundary lines that we set, and we all can tell if someone is different; it grasps our attention and it can be viewed in a negative or positive light depending on our worldview.

In the beginning, Bilbo is acting normal because he lives in the Shire and therefore must act normally. But by the end, he has become different; he's still Bilbo, but a bolder, unexpected, Tookish Bilbo who isn't afraid of what the neighbors will think anymore, and Tolkien is showing us the end result of a Christian after a spiritual journey. Bilbo hides his Tookishness because it is frowned upon by the hobbits of the Shire; that is the way he has been conditioned to act his whole life; that's all he knows how to do.

" 'My dear Bilbo' [...] You are not the hobbit that you were'" (Tolkien 302).
What does Bilbo discover about himself?

How has Bilbo changed? What was the true purpose of Bilbo's quest?

The novel is now near completion, Bilbo is standing atop a hill, looking At and Over the Hill, and Gandalf remarks just how much Bilbo has changed. As with almost every quest, the hidden meaning is self-discovery, and yes while Bilbo discovers his courage, wit, integrity, humility, and grace, he has changed. For it is one thing to discover things about oneself, but it is an entirely other matter to use this new knowledge.

Bilbo is not as uptight. His world is larger than the Shire, no matter how small he may be, and he was instrumental in keeping the world intact. Bilbo doesn't need Belladonna Took-Baggins' fine silverware or his neighbors respect and approval. He's fine with his Tookish side; it's who he is.
Bilbo's quest wasn't so much of self discovery as it was acceptance. He accepted his Tookish side, he accepted that the didn't belong in the Shire. He no longer needs to be ordinary or approved by the other hobbits. He's a Took, an Elf-friend, he's blessed, and he's honored by dwarves and wizards. Bilbo discovers that he's not completely from the Shire; and that's okay.

Conclusion

J. R. R. Tolkien was very much a writer who added depth and value to his stories. Unlike his contemporary and close friend C.S. Lewis who wrote with many of his messages laid out quite plainly, Tolkien preferred to subtly weave his values into his writing. Things such as mercy, perseverance, and leaving the worldliness and comfort of an ungodly life behind. This little book is so much more than a tale; it is a lesson in living a godly life, because who else, if not this little Hobbit, went there and back again?

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

A Life Worth Living

Why is life such a painful thing? People get hurt, they get sick, and they die. People are abused, shamed, and killed. Why is there such pain? Why can't life be a fairytale, where we live happily ever after?

It's because pain is what makes life meaningful. If we don't know loss, how would we know how to value something? If we don't suffer, how will we know how to thrive? If pain and suffering make lives meaningful, then why do they only seem to destroy?

The answer is simple. We let them. We choose not to learn. To let the pain change us, to embitter, to mold, and to freeze our hearts into people we can't even look at in the mirror. We give into the darkness that is in all of us, and refuse to acknowledge and accept healing from the light.

People who haven't ever suffered haven't lived. No matter your station, your job, your family name, people feel pain. It's an ingrained part of us to ignore the light, because the light challenges us to do something about the pain, and the loss, and the suffering. It demands that we look for healing, for love, for life. And it demands that we set aside our pride, our self esteem, our lives, us. It asks us to give everything to someone else, because if our heart doesn't clench at another's pain, then we haven't suffered enough.

Those that accept the light, they give their pride, their suffering, their success, and their shame. They give it all. They give up their life, their name, their fame, who they are. They cast down that which they idolize and they say "No more!", because they have suffered, and the people they see everyday, those whom they pass in the grocery store, who work at the mall or the car wash, those people they just glimpse in the bookstore, because those people have suffered, and who needs grace more than those who have never known undeserved, voluntary love.

So they give. And the suffering that they found in darkness gave them a purpose. It tore them down, and allowed the light to reach down and pull them up, hand over hand, as they were raised up. The darkness that hardens man's heart does not raise people up. It kills, steals, and destroys. But those deaths, those stolen things, and obliterations, those brought them to their knees. And instead of screaming at the sky and holding on to the comfort of darkness like so many of us love to do, they gave a plea. "Help me. I cannot help myself."

Not a cry of self worthlessness, but of utter humility. They do not make much of who they are. They do not dare. They simply say yes to the light, and to the challenge that awaits. Bad things don't happen to good people. Bad things happen to people shrouded in darkness and in hatred, in self love and in idolization.

Instead of asking yourself "why me!", ask "What can I do with what has been done to me?" Because that will give your life meaning, and the pain meaning. It gives you a life worth living. And that, is the most precious thing of all.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Let It Go

Guilt: a concept of being in the wrong. Why does a simple concept hurt so much?

Forgiveness: the act of relieving someone of guilt. Why is this so hard to give?

Both of these things are abstract concepts. You can't touch them; they affect nothing in the physical world. Except for our hearts. 

Why though? Why do these things affect us so? Is it because if our society? Well no. There are different societies with different moral structures. These effects, however, do come from our conscious, our innate sense of right and wrong. 

But that doesn't answer why guilt hurts. It hurts because, even if we don't always acknowledge it, we know how the world is supposed to work. We know of Eden. The pain of this knowledge, that we have done something to break this peace, is called guilt. 

Some of us choose to ignore the way things were supposed to be. Some of us never feel remorse. Others can feel it to the extreme. 

But this begs the question, why don't we just forgive? If we know how the world is supposed to work, why do we keep the pain around?

Because breaking the way things should have been hurts not just the one who sinned, but also the one who was sinned against. It hurts even more when you know that you too have sinned. It creates a cycle of remorse, a never ending path of guilt. 

Pain holds us back from forgiveness. In order to forgive, we have to give something up, we have to give up the "way things were supposed to work" kind of attitude. Because we need to look past that, past the pain, loss, and heartache. 

Because holding onto that ideal, doesn't let it work. It just keeps the cycle going. It doesn't create Shalom. So let it all go, the lust, the lies, the past you are afraid of. Let go of the anger, sadness, heartache, loss, and anything that holds you back and forgive

A Heart of Steel


Is it fiery?
It has scorched your soul,
Does it still burn you?

Does the cold freeze?
It stung you, it has touched your face,
Can you still speak?

Is it full of want?
Does it long to caress your face 
Or to hold you in its arms?
Does it comfort you?

Do its words sing sweet or sour notes?
Or does its silvery tongue enrapture you?

A life of worldly pleasure throws your heart into a furnace, turning your heart of gold into scorched steel. 

Are your pleasures and your passions, your lust and your lies, worth a heart of steel? 

The Song I Hear

My heart hears it,
Though my ears do not. 
My soul feels it,
Yet my hands did not touch it. 

What a glorious sound 
That is all around
Full of grace, of love, of beauty 
Why then, is it not celebrated?

I hear it in the sound of breathing
I see the score in the actions of his children
In the rustling of leaves during autumn and the swirling of petals in spring, I hear it's crescendo
And in the hearts of his people, I hear the chorus at full voice, singing "Praise the Lord!"

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Fools at the Table of the King

I have two posts in a day! A miracle! Not really; I've got a store of poems that I haven't posted. 
May this make you think,

Jen

-

Lord of my heart,
King of all Kings,
All nature praises you!
The ocean's frothy waters rise up 
For your feet;
The sands of the desert 
Give way for you.
The song of the stars' 
Silent crescendo tells your story.
The rise and fall of the heavens 
Gives you glory.
As you have made 
the heavens, and the earth,
And silence, and song for your glory,
So you have made man 
For that purpose. 
Why then, do you allow us to squander that role?
To play a fool in the court of the King
When we have married the Prince?
You have opened the door 
To your glory and given us an
Invitation to dine at your table. 
Why then, do your children refuse
To dine at the King's table
Where food is plenty?
Or do fools simply 
Ignore what is offered
For their own desires?
For who else refuses to dine 
At the table of the King?

God, Please, Save My Friends

Wow, it's been a while! I really need to get back to this.
Anyways; hope you enjoy!
And, as always,
May this make you think,
Jen

-

They're my friends;
A shelter from this broken world. 
The shelter leaks when the storm howls 
The beams crack
The wood rots 
The shelter collapses
Because it was built on a worldly foundation

They're my friends,
Drowning in the raging ocean,
While thinking that they still holiday 
On the calm waves.
The rock I stand on is still
But they flounder. 
I long to run to them, but they still don't believe their drowning. 

They're my friends. 
I stand on the rock
And they on the sand,
Inviting me in. 
The yoke around my neck 
Pulls me closer, off of the rock. 
But it is thrown off, and I am gently brought back to the rock. 

They're my friends,
Yet their yoke is painful. 
The pull hurts. 
They hurt. 
But they're still my friends. 
And I still love them. 

They're my friends;
I love them. 
They like me. 
They don't know why I don't follow the pull. 
They call me different,
Idiotic,
Foolish,
A believer in a fairy tale
Well not with words. 
But actions are always louder, after all. 

They're my friends.
I love them. 
But I can't help them. 
My hand is outstretched,
But they won't take it. 

They're my friends. 
I'd give my life for theirs. 
Jesus did for me. 
So even though they slay me,
I will love them and pray 
"God please; save my friends."

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Broken Made New

Hey,

Yay I actually updated! I hope y'all enjoy this!
And, as always,
May this make you think,

Jen

~

"Lord Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me." The cry echoed off of the walls of the cold, stone entry hall of the gigantic home as she laid on her hands and knees, not having the strength to stand. It came from a place science could not understand, and reason could not not explain. That place in one's soul where the dark clashes with the light and all of one's emotions go before coming out like a flood.

It was a cry of desperation, without tears or anger just pure horror, shock, and sadness that came from when one had examined their life to find it to be all for naught, useless and wasted. 

"Lord Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me." His cry was one of tears. They came from the heart, one that felt as black as night without the drum of a heartbeat. He knelt as if before a king, and wept, allowing tears to fall down his face. How could he have fallen so far? How could his life turn from a blazing Yule log to burnt ashes? Where was that love now?

And the homeless children under the bridge put on a brave front, but inside  they cried from loneliness, desperation, fear, and exhaustion. The cry that rose came from living on the streets as a child. "Lord Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me", became a chorus among the many voices under the bridge. And during that night, the pure defeat in their voices would have broken hearts of stone. 

And that cry, that desperate shout, or the quiet plea, that prayer brought the one thing the world couldn't bring them, peace on that cold winter's night. Within the world's raging, and the seas crashing, and whilst the earth spins one way, the hearts of the broken were spun the opposite way, pulled above the crushing waves, and lifted out of this spiraling void, set aside for the glory of the Lord, and mercy, peace, and grace became abundant in them. 

Sometimes all it takes is a few words. Lord Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner. 

Saturday, March 5, 2016

The Search for Truth Chapter 1


       

Hey guys! 
It's been way way too long. Uh about 3 1/2 months to be exact. I love writing but sophomore year has taken up my time. So I hope this makes up for some of it (I know it doesn't but oh well, I can try). If you like this, comment please thank you!
Love y'all. 
May this make you think,
Jen


-


"In prison cells and dungeon vile, thoughts to them, are winging. When friends by shame are undefiled. How can I keep, how can I keep, how can I keep, from singing?" The choir was lovely. It truly was. It almost always was. But, as always, my teacher didn't like the sound. 

"Does anyone know what you are singing?" She asked, slightly annoyed. To be fair, we had a concert in less than a week so I'm not surprised she was like this. "It's not in Hebrew or Gaelic. It's in English. So can someone tell me what this song is about?"

Silence. Dead silence. And we were choir kids. Choir kids don't do total quiet. But there wasn't a song in the air, not a single note rang in the room.

But to be honest, I had no clue what the song was about. I mean sure, I knew it was about God and something about singing. But I could never connect with this song. Not like  L'dor Vador  or anything else we'd sung. Why? I didn't know. I just couldn't. 

The teacher sighed and looked out the window. "I'm gonna tell you a story. It's not one I'm technically allowed to tell you on a campus, but maybe it'll help you understand what this song is about."

Now the class was intrigued. We knew she didn't like the school system but even this seemed out of the norm for her. But even the annoying girl in front of me put her phone down to listen. 

"Now I went to college at a very, very atheistic school. And overtime I went from a Christian to a skeptic to a scathing hater very rapidly. College will do that to you. And when I was there I had some good teachers and some bad ones. But there was one I remember the most. His name was Dr. Williamson. And everyone in the school knew he was a Christian and many, including myself, openly mocked him for it in his gospel music lectures. But he would just smile and continue on with his lecture.

"It was the last month of my last year and I almost had my credential. Now I'd had Mr. Williamson every semester since freshman year, and I was writing a long, three month long paper about some dead composer. 

"If there's one thing you don't do in college, it's plagiarize. You just don't. You can work your behind off getting there and then in less than twenty four hours, get kicked out. Now I'd never plagiarized in my life. It just wasn't worth it. So I had no worries and turned in the paper, and felt major relief. My last big project was over. But that feeling was short lived. A week later, Dr. Williamson called he into his office with an unusual serious  expression on his face. 'Ginger,' he spoke gravely. 'I never would have expected this of you.'

"This confused me. 'Sir?'

" 'Miss, I regret to inform you that we will have to have a hearing on plagiarism.'

"My hand flew to my mouth. 'What?' That wasn't possible. I knew everything I had put in this paper was in the works cited.

" 'You really have no idea do you?' Dr. Williamson looked away from me and at the cross hanging in his office. I looked too. And I just started praying. 'God if you're there help me! Please, I can't get kicked out, please!'

" 'School policy calls for a hearing.' He said. And I understood. I was getting kicked out. Even if it was a mistake. 'However, God doesn't want that for you. If you update your works cited for me, tonight, I will let you stay in.'

"For the second time that hour, my hand flew into my mouth and I started to cry. 'Thank you God. Thank you!'

"That was the last time I ever saw Dr. Williamson. He died shortly after that meeting. Of all that has happened in my life, I still get overwhelmed when I think of that. 

"But that's grace. True grace. A never ending gift that flows from God. And it's completely free. It isn't something we earn. God made us family and He won't toss us out. I was saved by grace shortly after that, and later I was told that his short appearance at my baptism was the last Sunday Dr. Williamson was alive. 

"So I thank God for this grace. And that's the point of this song. It's a celebration of His free, never ending, all consuming grace. So can you give me that feeling? That emotion of complete freedom?"

I sat there stunned. That happened to her? But why? Why would the professor do that for her? I'd never know. A few weeks later, when I'd finally gotten up the courage to ask Mrs. Smith about grace, we'd been told that she passed away, shielding a small child from a gunman. 

And as I sat at her funeral, a spark ignited in me. That was the start of my lifelong quest for the truth.