Puritan Prayer

My English teacher had us write soliloquies from the mindsets of either John Proctor or Elizabeth Proctor from the Crucible. So here is my interpretation of a devout Puritan woman's desperate prayer. 

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Lord forgive me that I should speak ill of the man I married, but God of Israel how can he do such a thing? How can he pretend that what he did is not only forgivable but not even a sin? Father I pray, give me courage to stand down! Take that anger that swells up inside of me and give me the humility that Ruth and Esther used for Your good works. Lord I cannot help but be angry! Seven months and not a fragment of my heart has softened to mine husband. Why, Lord? Do you harden my heart like that of Pharaoh’s in order to part the sea for John? Thou hast commanded that I forgive mine husband but God I do not know how! He goes into Salem to do who knows what when he is alone with that creature of the deepest pits of Sheol, they call her Abigail, father’s joy, good in discretion, a saint among the people. How can she be, Lord of hosts? How can you allow such evil to exist? Do you mock me Lord? Do you allow him to be tempted by the devil as Job was, only for him to fall? Such a temptress is she, and as evil as Jezebel. Do you mock me? No, just like a father disciplines a son so that he may grow up wise, so do you discipline me, and show me that my thoughts are just as impure as any other’s. Why then is it so hard to forgive him? Lord, bring me to my knees if it is my pride that makes me cold! My mien, he says, can freeze beer. God above, let it not be true! If mine actions towards him are so cold, then Jesus melt my heart! I have been forgiven by the Cross, at the Cross love ran red, but God my love is like dust in my mouth. It is earthly and not worthy of a daughter of the Living God, but Lord if you forgave me, can I not forgive him? If it takes my blood running red to show me that, then Thy will be done! You are God, El Shaddai, All Sufficient, and I am but a sinner who cannot find it in her heart to forgive her husband of things even Pharisees were guilty of. Lord if you died for me, Jehovah Shalom, then should I not also be willing to forgive that which is unforgivable in him? Why Lord, why is it so hard? I am on my knees begging for a miracle. Change my heart, Lord, help me to forgive him! Take away this anger that seeps out of the darkest parts on my soul, make me like You. Rapha, healer, Lord, Adonai, Eloi Eloi Lama Sabacthani! My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Except I know, master, that you have not. You are here with me, and even though I walk through the Valley, I will not fear. If the God of the Hebrews and of the Christians calls me to forgive, then I will forgive John of all his iniquities. But what on our marriage? Can I entrust this family unto him again? God, help me! Lord, Elohim, give me the strength to say yes. Give me the peace to give everything unto you. My life has never been my own. I give it unto you for all my days.