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Sunday, October 30, 2016

Puritan Prayer

My English teacher had us write soliloquies from the mindsets of either John Proctor or Elizabeth Proctor from the Crucible. So here is my interpretation of a devout Puritan woman's desperate prayer. 

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Lord forgive me that I should speak ill of the man I married, but God of Israel how can he do such a thing? How can he pretend that what he did is not only forgivable but not even a sin? Father I pray, give me courage to stand down! Take that anger that swells up inside of me and give me the humility that Ruth and Esther used for Your good works. Lord I cannot help but be angry! Seven months and not a fragment of my heart has softened to mine husband. Why, Lord? Do you harden my heart like that of Pharaoh’s in order to part the sea for John? Thou hast commanded that I forgive mine husband but God I do not know how! He goes into Salem to do who knows what when he is alone with that creature of the deepest pits of Sheol, they call her Abigail, father’s joy, good in discretion, a saint among the people. How can she be, Lord of hosts? How can you allow such evil to exist? Do you mock me Lord? Do you allow him to be tempted by the devil as Job was, only for him to fall? Such a temptress is she, and as evil as Jezebel. Do you mock me? No, just like a father disciplines a son so that he may grow up wise, so do you discipline me, and show me that my thoughts are just as impure as any other’s. Why then is it so hard to forgive him? Lord, bring me to my knees if it is my pride that makes me cold! My mien, he says, can freeze beer. God above, let it not be true! If mine actions towards him are so cold, then Jesus melt my heart! I have been forgiven by the Cross, at the Cross love ran red, but God my love is like dust in my mouth. It is earthly and not worthy of a daughter of the Living God, but Lord if you forgave me, can I not forgive him? If it takes my blood running red to show me that, then Thy will be done! You are God, El Shaddai, All Sufficient, and I am but a sinner who cannot find it in her heart to forgive her husband of things even Pharisees were guilty of. Lord if you died for me, Jehovah Shalom, then should I not also be willing to forgive that which is unforgivable in him? Why Lord, why is it so hard? I am on my knees begging for a miracle. Change my heart, Lord, help me to forgive him! Take away this anger that seeps out of the darkest parts on my soul, make me like You. Rapha, healer, Lord, Adonai, Eloi Eloi Lama Sabacthani! My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Except I know, master, that you have not. You are here with me, and even though I walk through the Valley, I will not fear. If the God of the Hebrews and of the Christians calls me to forgive, then I will forgive John of all his iniquities. But what on our marriage? Can I entrust this family unto him again? God, help me! Lord, Elohim, give me the strength to say yes. Give me the peace to give everything unto you. My life has never been my own. I give it unto you for all my days.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Who Do You Love More?


Everyone has heard of the phrase “love your enemies” or “love your neighbor”, and we all think that that is just what Christians are supposed to do. What if I tell you that loving your neighbor is not the most important thing for a Christian to do?

Matthew 22:36-40 says 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Now why is it in this exact order? What on earth is so important about them?

Even before a Christian first believes, God loves them, and has from the beginning of time. All He asks of us is to love Him back, which is that very first commandment, and it is because we love Him that the second commandment is possible. We can’t love our neighbor or our enemy if we do not love God, because we don't even know what love really means. But this begs the question; what do we do if these are in conflict? What happens if loving our neighbor gets in the way of loving God?

Recently, I had to make a choice. I had several friends at my high school that were almost completely against Christianity in everything they do. They swore all the time, read smut and were blatant about it, and their morality was quite against Scripture, but what can I expect from people dead in sin? Of course, why I even associated with them in the first place is obviously questioned. I had fallen away, backslid in heart, and honestly forgot that what the American culture deems as a good person and what God deems as a good person are two different things. They were nerds like me, and we loved fangirling. I found comfort and assurance there, but I could tell, I was changing. My internal morality was changing to what theirs was.

For some reason, God put it on my heart to reread the verses of the day for the last few weeks, and the more I read, the more convicted I felt. Verse after verse of not associating with ungodly people in those intimate friendships, or of putting the Lord first in everything showed me that I had a choice to make. Who was more important to me, God or my friends? During my freshman year, I had been alone. I had no close Christian friends in my grade or at my school. I remember praying for God to give me friends. Sure enough, He gave me these friends in sophomore year, but God gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21), and He asked, who do you love more?

So if these two commandments are in conflict, which do we do? Well, the Lord gave us a commandment to love him with all our heart, soul, and mind, and said it is the greatest. As Americans, we often forget that as Christians, we have a King, and this King is Lord over everything. He is Lord over our love lives, our friendships, our school lives, our Church lives, all sciences, over history, English, math, over everything that ever was or ever will be. This is the supreme of all commandments, given to us by our King; therefore, it is to be obeyed above all else. Because loving God means to be willing to sacrifice everything and anything for Him, just as Jesus did for us; even if means dying.

So when these two commandments are in conflict, you have to ask yourself, “Who do I love more, them or God?” And when you stand up for God, you are showing them real love, as well as tough love. God punishes us for our sin in order that we repent and then change, and then a parent's love is quite similar. Sometimes loving someone means saying "I love you, but I don't love what you do." That choice must be made. Which will you make?

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

To Give Them All

"Forgiveness of a lover
Peace like a river
Strength like a warrior
Faith like that of a sparrow-they won't fall when they fly-
Who wouldn't love these?

Sermons, songs, speeches
I hear it day in
and day out
Stories, people, ideas
I see it all around

People crave the idea
They need it in their soul
that they don't believe they have
Cries without words
Sobs with no tears

Yet no one believes."

"Faith of a sparrow
Forgiveness of a lover
Strength like a warrior
Peace like a river
Where can they be from?

Does it come from success?
(but what of failure?)
Does it come from love?
(but what of hate?)
Does it come from perseverance?
(but what of fear?)
If it comes from nothing,
why do they have it?

Faith to cross a raging sea
Love to die,
Strength to speak truth,
Peace to continue despite rapids

How?

If it is not natural,
if ideas,
and morality,
and thought,
if they come from the immaterial,
so must those who have such things

Sustained, they are, by something
Something not of the natural,
Not of the world.
But what?
No god exists,
No spirit

Is it a facade?
A mask?
Does the sparrow fall?
The warrior become weak?
The lover become bitter?
Peace become a raging sea?

But no.
They love
They live
They can greet the day
Smiling
They hope,
They live,
They dream
Because they know something
In a place long forgotten by the rest
They have grasped something we do not know.

Their assurance
And their conviction
Sustain them
Something calls them
Beyond the edge of the world

The only possibility is God
But he can’t exist!
Science says,
But science only works with the natural
With what seems to be
But if God exists,
Then He created science
History
Math
Language
Everything we see
and use
and hear
and believe in
Everything is created

But God can’t exist,
There are laws-
Laws which humans believe cannot be broken,
Says my soul

Do I even have a soul?
They say I do–it is where
conscience comes from,
thoughts, things that
separate us from rock

Does He exist?
Logic says so.

And He must be what gives them
the forgiveness of lovers
the strength of warriors
the peace of a river
and faith of sparrows

He gives them strength
peace
forgiveness
faith
hope
love
life

He gave it all to give them all.

Honesty, Deception, and Lies

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their own duplicity” (Proverbs 11:3). In Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which quite appropriately means place of great testing, much of the unfolding horrors are due to outright lies told for self-preservation and deception used for maintaining a righteous image. Miller’s purpose for the origin of the drama in the Puritan town is to show that everyone is guilty of lies and deceit, and that no one’s good image is entirely true. With this, Miller says, that those who point fingers need to look at themselves and their sins before deception and lies blur the truth, which once said or confessed to, changes everything. Esteemed Reverend Hale, murderous Abigail, adulterous John and honest Elizabeth are all guilty of such things and Miller uses them to make his point, and in this he is entirely correct.
When Abigail and the other girls try to frame Mary Warren for witchcraft to preserve themselves, John Proctor cries out to a faltering Mary, “God damns all liars!” (Miller 119). If the Lord is to damn all liars, then He must damn Elizabeth, Mary, John, Abigail, Parris and the rest of the girls as well as those who confessed to witchcraft, because each of them has lied. The foundation of the mass hysteria and trials was lies which spread throughout the town and much of the colony, and Miller uses that to show the snowball effect lies have, and how they do not stop without truth. Abigail accuses innocents to get out of trouble and eventually marry Proctor. John attempts not to accuse Abigail to preserve his own way of life and it brings light to the falsehoods he told his wife. When a person lies and then tries to either bring forth truth or obtain something they desire, it becomes increasingly difficult to do so, as fewer people will believe them or even forgive or love them, which leads to a continuation of the lies in order to obtain desires or even try to have a reputation in which truth telling is possible. Admitting one’s falsehood, as John does when he confesses at the court, brings value to one’s word. Then the snowball effect can stop, and respect for the truth can begin again as seen with Hale quitting the court and John’s refusal to confess to witchcraft. Admittance, not simply ignoring the lies, stops the spread. Everyone lies, but not everyone does something about it.
Deception may not be outright lying to a person, but it is putting on a show or an image and pretending something is as it is not. “It’s well seasoned” (Miller 56), says Proctor to his wife as they eat stew. The seasoning referenced is not Elizabeth's but John’s, and Miller uses it to allude to the fact that Proctor’s household seems ‘well-seasoned’ on the outside, as did the soup before John tasted it, but inside, the house is a cold and tasteless atmosphere. Deception like this, Miller argues, or any deceit for that matter, is just as bad as lying. It too can snowball. It snowballs into masks that people wear which soon causes them to forget the truth of who they are. Abigail has the mask of a saint, Parris of a Reverend, Elizabeth has a mask of love and duty, Hale is hidden by his intelligence, and Proctor’s mask is one of righteousness. All of these become rags when a person is honest, and the threadbare rags allow us to see who they are and what is in their hearts. When those who deceive point their fingers at others or try to make things right without confession, such as Elizabeth’s “No sir” (Miller 116), the mask wins; the deception never stops. Its effects continue until someone confesses.
Honesty. It can build someone up, tear a relationship apart, or show a person who they truly are. When Hale says that he “comes to do the Devil’s work” (Miller 132), his sarcasm shows that he has cast off honesty as he counsels Christians “that they should belie themselves” (Miller 132). If Hale’s plan had worked, it would have furthered the trials which was the hope of Parris. Here, Miller’s point is that the dismissal of honesty for life does no good as it does not stop the lies.  The dismissal and disintegration of honesty stops nothing but the truth. Hale pleads with Elizabeth, asking that she convince her husband to lie to save his own life. Surprisingly, she stops his passionate appeal with one simple statement, “I think that be the Devil’s argument” (Miller 134). The Devil, the first to ever lie and deceive in the book of Genesis, wants to destroy truth and anything else that is godly. The best way to do that is through lies and deception. So when Elizabeth calls Hale out on sinning to save her innocent husband, she proclaims that she holds truth over life, and Miller uses this to say that confession to lies and deceit as well as being honest are more important than the confirmation of lies to save a life. He argues that doing what is righteous and just is better than sacrificing honesty.

If everyone is guilty of lies and deception, and honesty is the only way to stop them, why do they continue? Why do people point fingers at each other throughout the ages? Simply put, to sacrifice honesty in lies and deceit is easier than being truthful. When Miller has Proctor die for the truth, he tells us that truth will cost us. “Ill-gotten treasures,” said the wise King Solomon, to whose teachings the Puritans subscribed, “have no lasting value, but righteousness delivers them from death” (Proverbs 10:2). This saying sums up Miller’s argument quite well. Abigail gained her power through accusing others of sins to save her from her own, and she falls lower than she ever was before when she becomes a prostitute in Boston, according to legend. Proctor ultimately dies because of his deceptions and lies from months before the play up until he is in court. Elizabeth loses her husband because of the cold house that she kept and her own lies and deception about the affair. When we point fingers and do not confess to our lies and deceit, we end up paying for it until it becomes too late. So live righteously, Miller says, in good standing with others, and when the lies and deceit happen, confess them. That honesty makes all the difference.